Care Cards: A tale of two births

The creation of Care Cards

I created the very first Care Cards when I was pregnant with my first baby. I have a history PTSD due to abuse experienced during my childhood and young adulthood and I held a lot of fear about people touching me during my labour and birth.

When I told my GP of my fears and needs, she said, “If you don’t want people to think they can just touch you, you will have to tell them why… they won’t know if you’ve had one baby or six”.

She didn’t mean to be unkind, she wanted me to be prepared, but I was horrified, the rest of the appointment went by in a blur and when I got back to the safety of my car, I cried. Being in the vulnerable state of labour and birth while having to recount my history of abuse in an attempt to protect myself from feeling violated was too much to hold.

While stopped at a traffic light, I had an epiphany… there is a scene in the 2019 ‘Joker’ film where Joaquin Phoenix is laughing controllably on a bus, and he hands a woman a card explaining his condition. This was what I needed! To be able to communicate my story and needs without having to speak them.

I carefully crafted my message and had 100 business cards printed, (I knew I didn’t want to be worried about having to make sure each card got given back). They were pretty, let my care providers know my history and what I needed and long story short, they worked. I used them at my prenatal appointments each time I met a new member of the care team and everyone welcomed the information and respected my needs.

In the end, my planned home birth transitioned to an unplanned in-labour caesarian, but the care I was given was respectful, kind and trauma informed. Every midwife, the obstetrician and even the anaesthetists were given cards by my beautiful support team, and they all met me with such compassion, softness and kindness, explaining what they would like to do and why. It was the kind of care every woman deserves, but in an overstretched system, unfortunately is not always received.

In the months following the birth of my baby I attended a number of birthing circles to tell my story and hear the stories of others. I had many cards left over and ended up sharing them with other mother’s with similar stories to mine. When they told me that they too had beautiful experiences of care I knew that I needed to offer these cards to more women and Care Cards gradually came in to being.

The birth of my baby and the birth of an idea, what a joy to watch them both grow